Feeling restless

   There is a restlessness about me.  I always think that I want to do this and that, but I can't because I need to do this and that first. Work. Chores. Priorities. Luxuries. Time. I was sleep deprived actually for a month now. I've been busy raising my four kids and haven't got the chance to accomplish even a single thing from my to-do list. My baby wants to be carried by me all the time even during the wee hours in the morning. He is such a mama's boy and always wanted me beside him. I have to feed him every two hours at night which keeps me awake the entire night. My three older boys have so many activities in school that includes the parents. I'm always present in all their activities which made my boys very happy. 

  Anyway, I need order in the house. Maybe that is why I am restless. The time I am home I constantly feel the need to putter around; I am always tidying up here and there. There is just so much to do. I am busy training my three new household staff right now. One of them is a nanny to assist me with my baby's needs. I had just finished making my housekeeping manual and I'm very much happy about it. Sometimes I feel like a headless chicken. I should be doing everything leisurely, really, because I seriously enjoy and love keeping house. Like the superwoman housewives of old. Like Martha Stewart in her many homes and Ina Garten in her kitchen( Oh, I love them so much!). I like the look and gracefulness of order. I am my own one-woman team so I guess it will just have to take a little longer to happen.

   I feel disjointed. I need to do this, but that seems more important right now. I'm running on hope, a plan, a self-esteemed deadline. I am constantly juggling many things simultaneously  and I find that I have to drop some and jump on to something else at a moment's notice. It is not always a peaceful feeling. I know I must do it bit by bit, piece by piece, if I must. I should not waste my time thinking and being indecisive. I just need to seize any chance, even if it as simple as putting little things back in its proper place.

   I know that my kids and my husband feel it is not important to keep the house in tip-top shape. I know it will not measure how much they love and appreciate me. But this is how I show my love for them. 

   So there. I just want to get the house in order so I can have real free time to myself and my family. I need to get the house in order so I won't be feeling restless anymore.